The Uprising
by FanFictionDefender
Summary: This is an AU story. For those that like canon, this probably isn't for you.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: I'm 13, and this is my first fan fic story. I also love AU stories. If I want canon, I'll stick to the real books. I hope you enjoy my story. Please let me know what you think. But don't leave reviews with suggestions or telling me how to write my story. I've been writing for over 100 years and don't need the advice of amateurs. I was Walt Whitman in a previous life, so I already know how to write.

The Uprising

By FanFictionDefender

_**Chapter One**_

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there lived a planet of cats. Not just any cats…warrior cats. They lived in grass huts with satellite TV and high-speed internet. All the Klans lived in peace and harmony. Then a new Klan moved into the neighborhood and caused disruption.

Thunderstar, the leader of the ThunderKlan, gathered the Warrior cats around a huge campfire. He needed to address the concerns of his tribe. He had to be strong.

"Most of you have already heard of an evil presence in the force," Thunderstar began. "They are nothing but a bunch of stupid-headed, poopy jerks."

"Who are these people, Grandpaw?" Spottednose asked.

Thunderstar took a moment to pat the little kit on the head. "They call themselves the LawlKlan. We believe they were created by a Klan of lesbians on the far side of the planet. They purchased discounted, ghetto sperm from Costco because no living thing would mate with them. The sperm came from none other than the Westboro Baptist Church Klan."

Everyone gasped in unison. The Westboro Baptist Church Klan was thought to have been destroyed by the Hell's Angels. To think that they still existed was frightening.

"I've heard that one of their leaders, VeniVeggieFeeble, is frigid," Squirrelpaw added. "And has herpes."

More gasps sounded.

"Yes," Thunderstar agreed. "And she smells like tuna."

"What should we do, Grandpaw?" Spottednose looked up at his grandfather with fear.

"We will fight," Thunderstar told them. "We will beat them back to the trailer park like the ghetto trash they are!"

To be continued….


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Wow! I can't believe all the support from my new friends! Someone else must have been using the Ouija board to bring you all back to life. I'm so overwhelmed from all the positive feedback. Since you asked for more, I'll keep writing.

The Uprising

Chapter 2

Thunderstar needed to formulate a plan to defeat the LawlKlan. None of the other Klans feared the LawlKlan. They were just annoying…like a cloud of gnats at a picnic. Trailer trash lowered the property values around wherever they settled. Conventional methods wouldn't work. Cats were normally very intelligent creatures. The use of ghetto sperm with its damaged DNA produced idiots. Idiots lacked rational thought. And it made them assholes as well.

"What about the other members of their Klan?" Spottednose asked.

"Well another prominent member is a neutered male called JimmyDingleNuts. A flesh-eating bacteria ravaged his jibbly bits. From what I've heard, those bacteria are still starving," Squirrelpaw piped up.

"TEE-HEE TEE-HEE TEE-HEE," they all giggled, sounding like the munchkins in the Wizard of Oz.

"Lost his jibbly bits?" Thunderstar cried. "No wonder he acts like a drag queen with a run in his stocking!"

"Tootiepaw from the WindKlan made up a poem about JimmyDingleNuts," Spottednose told them.

Spottednose moved to the front of the group and began to recite,

"There once was a cat from Uranus.

Whose reviews and comments were heinous.

Watching the Brady Bunch,

He ate his hot lunch

What the hell crawled up his anus?"

"TEE-HEE TEE-HEE TEE-HEE!" The Warrior cats screamed with glee.

"Grandpaw," Spottednose asked. "What should we do next?"

"We will call a meeting of the other Klans. We will form a Klan Owners Association. We will work together to force the LawlKlan from our neighborhood and clean up the ghetto they leave behind. It will be just like 42nd street!"

The Warrior cats cheered as Thunderstar pulled out his iPhone and placed a call to the WindKlan.

To Be Continued…..


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you, once again, for all the wonderful reviews! You are a source of inspiration to me. I hope you continue to enjoy the plight of the Warriors!

The Uprising

Chapter 3

PPPFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRTT!

The ThunderKlan began to sniff the air around them. A horrific odor surrounded them and overwhelmed their senses.

"Eewww," Spottednose whined. He slapped a paw over his nose. "What is that smell?"

Thunderstar chuckled. "That's methane gas. The WindKlan approaches."

Hawkpath and Squirrelpaw frantically waved their paws to help dissipate the foul stench.

"Why can't we just have the WindKlan camp next to the LawlKlan after eating gallons of baked beans?" Hawkpath suggested.

Squirrelpaw and Spottednose nodded in agreement with that idea.

Thunderstar placed a paw on Hawkpath's shoulder. "Ghetto trash are used to sewer gases. To them, it's like the smell of roses. While we would hack like we were gorking up hairballs, they would relish its sweet scent."

Like a typical fart in the wind, the ungodly fragrance wafted downhill as Flatustar could now be seen leading his people towards the ThunderKlan.

"Ah…Thunderstar," Flatustar began as he held out his paw. "You old dog! How long has it been?"

Thunderstar took Flatustar's paw in his with a firm shake. "Too long, my friend. I'm sorry it took the LawlKlan to bring us together."

"They are closer than we feared," Flatustar announced.

The ThunderKlan collectively gasped.

"How do you know this? Did you see them?" Thunderstar demanded.

"We stopped at the 7-Eleven on the way here," Brambletalon told them. "They were sold out of Colt 45, grape Ne-Hi, and pork rinds."

Expletives escaped the collection of Warrior cats. The 7-Eleven was just on the other side of the forest. It was unsettling to hear that the LawlKlan was so close.

Tootiepaw, of the WindKlan, elbowed Spottednose. "Hey, pull my claw."

Spottednose shrugged his shoulders but tugged the offered claw.

PPPFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRTT!

Tootiepaw grabbed his belly to steady himself as he laughed heartily. Spottednose and Squirrelpaw gagged. Onestar smacked his brother Tootiepaw in the shoulder.

"Knock it off, Tootiepaw," he demanded. "That was gross."

Brambletalon rolled her eyes as she turned to address the Warriors. "Hey, do you want to hear what Leopardstar from the RiverKlan told me?"

The Warrior cats nodded and encouraged her to proceed. She skipped to the front of the crowd.

"The LawlKlan are nothing but ghetto trash.

They call out other cats for porn and slash.

Warrior Cats think they are tools.

And they are nothing but fools.

The Lawlklan's vajayjays will give you a rash."

The Warriors howled in delight. Flatustar pulled Thunderstar aside.

"This situation is worse than we imagined," he whispered. "We must call on the RiverKlan to help."

Once again, Thunderstar used his iPhone to make the call.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Once again, thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I think I feel the need to defend myself against ignorance. I have been wrongfully accused of being the one to leave all these reviews. I did report that libelous review and has seen fit to delete it. For your information, you can only leave one review per chapter per account or one anonymous review per chapter per IP address. So for all those haters, neener-neener-neener! You are just jealous that my story has been so well received. If you don't like my story, stop reading it. That's what anyone with at least three working brain cells would do.

And a special shout out to ooHawkpathoo…I don't know who you are nor am I familiar with your stories. So obviously, I am not using any of your characters, but thanks for asking and reading!

The Uprising

Chapter 4

Thunderstar and Flatustar gathered the Warrior Cats together. Their anticipation was palpable, and the air around them felt electrified.

"I just got off the phone with Riverstar," Thunderstar told them. "The RiverKlan will join us in our battle."

The Warrior Cats meowed in delight. Unable to contain their enthusiasm, young kits high-fived paws, back-flipped, and cartwheeled.

It was going to take the unity of all the Klans to take out the trash. Well, maybe not all of the Klans. The Klan Owners' Association recently rejected the application of the KKK, KymKardashianKlan, for admittance. The Warriors hated fame whores.

"Gather your backpacks and supplies," Thunderstar ordered. "We will drive down to the Amazon River to rendezvous with the RiverKlan."

"Can we buy some Kindles when we get there, Grandpaw?" Spottednose asked.

"Do you have enough money in your allowance?" Thunderstar inquired. "I thought you were saving for an Xbox?"

Spottednose's shoulders sagged. "But they're only $79.00. Can't you buy it for me? Just this once? You don't want me to be illiterate like the LawlKlan, do you?"

Damn, Thunderstar thought to himself. He sure didn't want his grandson to be like those intellectually-stunted morons. "Okay, but you have to promise to clean the litter boxes for two weeks."

Spottednose jumped up and down. "Thanks, Grandpaw! I promise! I can't wait to get a Kindle!"

The Warriors busied themselves with packing clothes and snacks. Hawkpath and Squirrelpaw loaded the buses.

"Is the WindKlan going to be on the same bus?" Squirrelpaw wondered aloud.

"Hell no," Hawkpath told him. "I put all their stuff in the other bus. There's no way they're going to stink up our bus!"

As the buses headed towards the Amazon River, Hawkpath received a Tweet from CatfishHunterstar of the RiverKlan.

"Hey everybody," Hawkpath called out with a smile. "I got a Tweet with another poem."

Hawkpath ran up the aisle and turned to address the Warriors.

"The LawlKlan are a bunch a babies.

Their bodies are covered in scabies.

They think they are so great.

When they open their legs we all faint.

Now we hear they have rabies."

"TEE-HEE TEE-HEE TEE-HEE!" they giggled.

Their journey would a short one. The Amazon River, which fed into the Shallow Sea, was only an hour away. And being the gracious hosts they always were, the RiverKlan would have a crawfish feast waiting for them.

To be continued…


End file.
